So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
