If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize