Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
