Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
