I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
