no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're a disaster
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