the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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