Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize