Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?