he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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