Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.