So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
pop tarts are not kleenex
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...