dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
