There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
