how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
