mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
