i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
