Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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