I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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