Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
