I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
