did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so let's talk penis.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
