Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
