you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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