i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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