Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize