I should be sponsored by Trojan
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
