So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
