He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
3 2 1 whiskey
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
