i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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