I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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