well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are we still banned from the library?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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