Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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