Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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