everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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