**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
