tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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