Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
