i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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