i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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