I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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