i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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