Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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