She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
