Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
