No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
