I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the liver wants what the liver wants
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
