Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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