it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
