I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
