Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
