just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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