she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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