If i come over, it means nothing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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