I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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