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Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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