I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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