so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
