just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
