walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
