have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
