I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
