in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
