If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
