1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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