no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
