This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
