I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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